In the blink of an eye, the first month of 2013 is gone. Do you ever wonder where the time has gone.
As The Happiness Project bestselling author Gretchen Rubin observes: “The days are long but the years are short.”
At times, we worry so much about getting through the day that we lose sight of the bigger picture.
“The greatest challenge for most families is keeping track of their priorities,” says life coach Sharmini Hensen, 42. The founder and CEO of LifeWorks has spent the past seven years coaching individuals as well as parents on how to be more in tuned with the things that make them happy.
“A lot of parents aspire to have more time with their children, but the actions and decisions they make do not allow them to do just that. They’re caught up in work and making money because there are bills to pay and they want to upkeep their lifestyle. So they feel they have to be more committed and spend more time at work, and they start to lose track of the very fact that they wanted a more fulfilling lifestyle to begin with,” she observes.
Indeed, it was not until Ben-G Ng’s son, Li Xin, turned three that it hit him that all of his spare time was spent in the office, rather than at home with his family.
“My son goes to bed at 8pm so most of the time, he’d be asleep when I get home from work. Before I realised it, he was three. That’s when I knew I had to sort out my work-life balance straightaway,” recalls Ng, 37. He and his wife, Tracy Lew, 36, are co-directors of a manufacturing company.
The first step that Ng took was simple: Je made the effort to rise earlier in the morning.
“Now it’s become a habit – I wake up at 6am and we spend some time together playing or just making breakfast before we send him off to school.”
The next step was changing their mindsets. “We started turning everyday chores into fun activities for everyone. For instance, cooking involves the whole family. Sometimes, Li Xin gives us ideas for the dinner menu. There’s washing the car together and it really was an event when he said: ‘I want to do it too!’. Whoever thought that something so mundane could actually light up a child’s life?” shares Ng.
Now that Li Xin is five, Ng’s priorities have evolved beyond just spending time with the family.
As The Happiness Project bestselling author Gretchen Rubin observes: “The days are long but the years are short.”
At times, we worry so much about getting through the day that we lose sight of the bigger picture.
“The greatest challenge for most families is keeping track of their priorities,” says life coach Sharmini Hensen, 42. The founder and CEO of LifeWorks has spent the past seven years coaching individuals as well as parents on how to be more in tuned with the things that make them happy.
“A lot of parents aspire to have more time with their children, but the actions and decisions they make do not allow them to do just that. They’re caught up in work and making money because there are bills to pay and they want to upkeep their lifestyle. So they feel they have to be more committed and spend more time at work, and they start to lose track of the very fact that they wanted a more fulfilling lifestyle to begin with,” she observes.
Indeed, it was not until Ben-G Ng’s son, Li Xin, turned three that it hit him that all of his spare time was spent in the office, rather than at home with his family.
“My son goes to bed at 8pm so most of the time, he’d be asleep when I get home from work. Before I realised it, he was three. That’s when I knew I had to sort out my work-life balance straightaway,” recalls Ng, 37. He and his wife, Tracy Lew, 36, are co-directors of a manufacturing company.
The first step that Ng took was simple: Je made the effort to rise earlier in the morning.
“Now it’s become a habit – I wake up at 6am and we spend some time together playing or just making breakfast before we send him off to school.”
The next step was changing their mindsets. “We started turning everyday chores into fun activities for everyone. For instance, cooking involves the whole family. Sometimes, Li Xin gives us ideas for the dinner menu. There’s washing the car together and it really was an event when he said: ‘I want to do it too!’. Whoever thought that something so mundane could actually light up a child’s life?” shares Ng.
Now that Li Xin is five, Ng’s priorities have evolved beyond just spending time with the family.
Whether it’s a jog in the park or a picnic outdoors, the Ng family’s priority is in creating new experiences together.
“Now it’s about creating new experiences, together. Going outdoors, learning how to cycle, going for a swim, having a picnic or just a walk in the park.”
Last year, the family travelled to Hokkaido, Japan, for a skiing trip and Li Xin was given his first experience of bathing in an onsen (hot springs).
“We try to organise a family trip every year. And if we travel to a foreign country, we try to slot in at least one session of fine dining where everybody dresses up for a meal, and we just head out to experience a whole new culture together,” Ng reveals.
The father-of-one says it’s never too late to learn about prioritising. In fact, it’s never too early either.
On the cartoon-decaled wall of Li Xin’s bedroom is a “Smiley Star Chart”, a motivational calendar that teaches young children the basics of working towards a goal.
“It’s a motivational system that we learned from his school. If he behaves, we give him a smiley star sticker and he sticks it onto the calendar. If he doesn’t finish his meals, or if he shouts indoors when he knows he’s not allowed to, we won’t give him one. Recently, Li Xin asked if he could have a hamster. Well, we told him we’d consider, if he’d try to collect as many stars as possible till his birthday in March. So, that’s his latest ‘goal’,” Ng explains.
Being specific
According to Sharmini, the best goals are specific. Want to spend more time with the family? Well, how much time? Would that be on the weekends, or after work? Having a clear idea of what you want will lead you that much closer to attaining your goals, she says.
“Now it’s about creating new experiences, together. Going outdoors, learning how to cycle, going for a swim, having a picnic or just a walk in the park.”
Last year, the family travelled to Hokkaido, Japan, for a skiing trip and Li Xin was given his first experience of bathing in an onsen (hot springs).
“We try to organise a family trip every year. And if we travel to a foreign country, we try to slot in at least one session of fine dining where everybody dresses up for a meal, and we just head out to experience a whole new culture together,” Ng reveals.
The father-of-one says it’s never too late to learn about prioritising. In fact, it’s never too early either.
On the cartoon-decaled wall of Li Xin’s bedroom is a “Smiley Star Chart”, a motivational calendar that teaches young children the basics of working towards a goal.
“It’s a motivational system that we learned from his school. If he behaves, we give him a smiley star sticker and he sticks it onto the calendar. If he doesn’t finish his meals, or if he shouts indoors when he knows he’s not allowed to, we won’t give him one. Recently, Li Xin asked if he could have a hamster. Well, we told him we’d consider, if he’d try to collect as many stars as possible till his birthday in March. So, that’s his latest ‘goal’,” Ng explains.
Being specific
According to Sharmini, the best goals are specific. Want to spend more time with the family? Well, how much time? Would that be on the weekends, or after work? Having a clear idea of what you want will lead you that much closer to attaining your goals, she says.
Ayuni Ayatillah with her husband, Engku Emri Engku Abas, and their two-year-old daughter, Engku Salsabila Engku Emri.
Mother-of-one Ayuni Ayatillah, 28, is all for setting “small” goals to help her work towards the big ones. “I set little goals every day, just to make sure that the day is productive. I believe in taking things slow. I get nowhere if I’m too ambitious,” says the marketing executive.
“It’s like when I was breastfeeding my daughter. The Quran says that we have to do it for two years. I kept my focus on the first six months, and then it became eight months and eventually, I reached one-and-a-half years. Dividing the big picture into smaller chunks really takes the pressure off things.”
This year, one of her bigger goals is getting her family to have more meals at home – for health reasons and also for more savings in the long run.
To see this through, Ayuni created a “seven-day meal planner”.
“I learned how to chart out my cooking plans for the week. That really saves a lot of my time because when I get home from work, I can start cooking right away. There’s definitely been more savings as well – I used to shop for groceries as and when it suited me so I ended up buying a lot of things I wanted, but didn’t need. It was a waste because half the items would’ve expired before I even recalled buying them in the first place. Now there’s none of that,” Ayuni reveals.
Ayuni Ayatillah, 28, has created a ‘family binder’ to help her organise daily meals, weekly household chores and monthly goals.
To ensure that she doesn’t run off-course, Ayuni practises writing out her daily goals and reflects on them monthly.
“What’s in my daily goals checklist now is to detox, which I’m doing already. Next is to spend more time on my prayers and reading the Quran – so far I ’ve managed to schedule those in. And then there’s waking up earlier to give my daughter a morning bath before I send her off to preschool. These may just be things that I have to do but by writing them down, I get to allocate my time better and focus on the things that really matter, like chatting with my husband or just catching a movie together on our couch before the day ends.”
The young mother, who blogs about her parenting ventures on yunayuni.blogspot.com, hopes to share a thing or two about setting priorities with her two-year-old daughter, Engku Salsabila Engku Emri, when she’s old enough to grasp the concept.
“I’ve seen lots of printable templates online that teach kids about setting their own goals. They have questions like: ‘What do you feel like doing today?’ I’d like to try that with my daughter someday.”
Personal growth
For married couples with children, it takes a lot of courage, and some planning, to be focused on charting their personal goals. Parents must realise that life doesn’t have to stop after the kids come along, Sharmini says.
“We are all dynamic beings. We must see ourselves growing and enjoying and learning. It’s like trees; if you’re not growing, you’re dying. We need to keep our interests and hobbies outside of the family because that’s where you learn and hear things and bring a fresh perspective back home.”
Syarifah Fatimah Al-Zahrah, 24, a mother of a toddler , is determined to pursue her goal of studying for her PhD in sociology, even if it means taking her family out of their comfort zone.
Come August, the part-time administrative executive, together with her husband, Syed Harris Irsyad, 26, a teacher, and their 18-month-old son Syed Haraz Abdul Mateen, will be moving to New Zealand where Syarifah will study for her doctorate.
“My husband and I both want to further our studies but we’ve decided that I should be the one to do it first. So for the next three years, this is what we have planned: My husband will look after our son while I’m away at the university. When I’m home, I’ll take over and he can then head out for a part-time job. It’s quite a challenge but I think we can make it work,” she says.
“I’ve also been applying for scholarships to help ease the financial burden,” she continues.
“I’ll have to wait and see how that turns out. In the meantime, we’ve been learning to do household chores, since we’ve always lived with our parents and relied on a maid to help us with every little thing. Now we’re actually making it a point to get used to doing our own laundry, and I’ve been busy learning how to cook well enough so we can survive on our own.”
Syarifah feels that one must always have a good grasp of one’s goals and priorities.
“In life, there will always be challenges. That shouldn’t stop you from doing what you set out to do in the first place. There’s always room to grow, as an individual and as a family. You just have to work your way around it.”
Mother-of-one Ayuni Ayatillah, 28, is all for setting “small” goals to help her work towards the big ones. “I set little goals every day, just to make sure that the day is productive. I believe in taking things slow. I get nowhere if I’m too ambitious,” says the marketing executive.
“It’s like when I was breastfeeding my daughter. The Quran says that we have to do it for two years. I kept my focus on the first six months, and then it became eight months and eventually, I reached one-and-a-half years. Dividing the big picture into smaller chunks really takes the pressure off things.”
This year, one of her bigger goals is getting her family to have more meals at home – for health reasons and also for more savings in the long run.
To see this through, Ayuni created a “seven-day meal planner”.
“I learned how to chart out my cooking plans for the week. That really saves a lot of my time because when I get home from work, I can start cooking right away. There’s definitely been more savings as well – I used to shop for groceries as and when it suited me so I ended up buying a lot of things I wanted, but didn’t need. It was a waste because half the items would’ve expired before I even recalled buying them in the first place. Now there’s none of that,” Ayuni reveals.
Ayuni Ayatillah, 28, has created a ‘family binder’ to help her organise daily meals, weekly household chores and monthly goals.
To ensure that she doesn’t run off-course, Ayuni practises writing out her daily goals and reflects on them monthly.
“What’s in my daily goals checklist now is to detox, which I’m doing already. Next is to spend more time on my prayers and reading the Quran – so far I ’ve managed to schedule those in. And then there’s waking up earlier to give my daughter a morning bath before I send her off to preschool. These may just be things that I have to do but by writing them down, I get to allocate my time better and focus on the things that really matter, like chatting with my husband or just catching a movie together on our couch before the day ends.”
The young mother, who blogs about her parenting ventures on yunayuni.blogspot.com, hopes to share a thing or two about setting priorities with her two-year-old daughter, Engku Salsabila Engku Emri, when she’s old enough to grasp the concept.
“I’ve seen lots of printable templates online that teach kids about setting their own goals. They have questions like: ‘What do you feel like doing today?’ I’d like to try that with my daughter someday.”
Personal growth
For married couples with children, it takes a lot of courage, and some planning, to be focused on charting their personal goals. Parents must realise that life doesn’t have to stop after the kids come along, Sharmini says.
“We are all dynamic beings. We must see ourselves growing and enjoying and learning. It’s like trees; if you’re not growing, you’re dying. We need to keep our interests and hobbies outside of the family because that’s where you learn and hear things and bring a fresh perspective back home.”
Syarifah Fatimah Al-Zahrah, 24, a mother of a toddler , is determined to pursue her goal of studying for her PhD in sociology, even if it means taking her family out of their comfort zone.
Come August, the part-time administrative executive, together with her husband, Syed Harris Irsyad, 26, a teacher, and their 18-month-old son Syed Haraz Abdul Mateen, will be moving to New Zealand where Syarifah will study for her doctorate.
“My husband and I both want to further our studies but we’ve decided that I should be the one to do it first. So for the next three years, this is what we have planned: My husband will look after our son while I’m away at the university. When I’m home, I’ll take over and he can then head out for a part-time job. It’s quite a challenge but I think we can make it work,” she says.
“I’ve also been applying for scholarships to help ease the financial burden,” she continues.
“I’ll have to wait and see how that turns out. In the meantime, we’ve been learning to do household chores, since we’ve always lived with our parents and relied on a maid to help us with every little thing. Now we’re actually making it a point to get used to doing our own laundry, and I’ve been busy learning how to cook well enough so we can survive on our own.”
Syarifah feels that one must always have a good grasp of one’s goals and priorities.
“In life, there will always be challenges. That shouldn’t stop you from doing what you set out to do in the first place. There’s always room to grow, as an individual and as a family. You just have to work your way around it.”
